You are probably still holding on to something someone did to you when you were 8 years old… or not.
For those who may not know, yes there are those of us who still harbour words that were said to us decades and decades ago.
I had a very intriguing conversation with my cousin and auntie (my cousin’s mother) yesterday over some evening tea. We got into the topic of letting go of things in the past, and my cousin brought up a story she recalled from her childhood and told it like it happened 2 days ago.
As her mother and I listened keenly, my cousin told the story of her admiration as a child for someone who had come to visit her mother, wearing an outfit that she really admired. “I was in awe of how beautifully she was dressed! I told her how beautiful her outfit was,” she explained with a look of wonder in her eyes. Then her facial expression quickly changed when she said “then you shouted at me and told me to stop feeling jealous! I had never felt so embarrassed and so hurt in my life! I couldn’t believe that my mother would say something so hurtful to me!” She seemed upset as she awaited her mother’s response.
Her mother stared at her blankly.
“I really don’t remember that! I said that to you?? How old were you?” She replied, with a concerned, motherly look on her face. I smiled, feeling privileged to have been a part of this conversation.
Interestingly enough, her mother also brought up an incident where her daughter had said something that offended her mother some years back. My cousin did not remember that incident at all, having the same blank look on her face that her mother had earlier.
Immediately, I thought, this is a conspiracy!
We go through life entertaining some of the worst ideas about ourselves, and hold on for dear life to small, trivial things that people said or did to us. One small sentence someone said 10 years ago turned your whole life upside down, and it has not been the same since.
Why do you want to give that kind of power to anybody??
We are constantly looking for evidence to prove how unworthy we are; not just to everyone else, but especially to ourselves. So anytime someone says or does something hurtful to us, we want to grab it, keep it in our emotional pockets, sit away in a private place in our spare time and shine that hateful thing up like a diamond and place it on the mantle of our minds, like a shrine, to show the world how hurt and abused we are, exhibiting our trophies of pain, anguish and struggle. And we know some of these people. Some of them are us. Those of us who can’t stop talking about what he did and what she said to me, and how badly he mistreated me.
Then you wonder why your life hasn’t taken off the way you want to?
You must understand that many of your thoughts are conspirators of fear. These fearful thoughts want to keep you as far away from truly understanding how much power you truly possess. You have the power to turn your life around completely and moving in the direction you really want to. But you cannot do that when you’re stuck in the mud of the past.
Your thoughts of anger, frustration and loathing are really thoughts of fear, fear that conspires to imprison you.
Remember that YOU are the master. YOU are the boss. YOU are the one who gives the permission. But you’re permitting the wrong thoughts to reign over your mind. YOU are the only one who is going to turn it all around.
So will you start?