I’ve Been Struggling… But I Love It!

struggle is progress

I’ve never told you about how Push Factor got started did I? Well, the following article is the long and short of it. But let me start by saying that nothing is scarier than change, and the uncertainty of moving to the next chapter of life.

When I started Push Factor, with the genius assistance and guidance of my brand strategist and good friend, Tim Maina, it was about breaking down the barrier that I could actually do it. I set some pretty brave goals for myself, making the decision to not only put up a substantial monetary investment to get set up this brand, but also, understanding what it was going to take to not only get it off the ground but to also have the courage to position myself as a messenger to the greater world.

I was tortured relentlessly by the voices in my head that told me that kept asking me who in the hell I thought I was to create a movement, to start something that could potentially change the world. I retorted by asking my negative voices, who in the world was I not to be or do this?

So I went ahead and Tim and I created Push Factor. The website went live to the world on December 10th 2013.

An interesting thing is that a few days before the launch, I told him that I was not ready to put it out. I was completely panicked, asking myself what the heck I was thinking believing that I could pull this off!!!! But Tim calmed me down and kept assuring me that I was doing the right thing, and that this was meant to happen, whether “the time was right” or not. So there

Day after day, and week after week, I was compelled to put out articles, podcasts and the scariest thing of all, videos, to put myself and the message I have out to the world. The articles were not a problem, but the fear of my voice and face being put out there was scarier than I could have ever imagined. But there is a reason why I put myself in the position I did, and why I spent the kind of money I did on this brand, it was to make darn sure that a) I would have to think twice before simply dropping it out of fear and b) I had mentally given myself absolutely no other choice but to go ahead with Push Factor and all the promises I had made to make it more and more of the reality that I had envisioned in my mind.

So I had no other choice but to set a routine for myself: the number of times I would write a week, and dedicating my weekends to recording of podcasts and videos. It was daunting. The first few videos I did, I would spend the entire day convincing myself to do them… I’d end up recording in the evenings on a Sunday, and if I felt good on that particular day, I would spend about 4 hours recording a 5 minute video. I went through the anxiety and the anguish, the worry that people would think my work was garbage and harsh criticism would fall on me like hailstone filled storm on a cold night. But that wasn’t the case at all.

Now I look at myself,  April 1st, 2014, and marvel at the things that used to scare me. I am no longer afraid of putting myself out there to be scrutinized and examined. I am no longer terrified of what other people are going to think, because I cannot control what you think. All I can do is control my response to your feedback. I have also learnt that in truth, no cliché, there is absolutely nothing I cannot do if I decide to set my mind to it. It is a beautiful place to be.

So why am I struggling? Well… because I have set new goals for myself. I measure my progress in quarters. The first quarter, January through March is over. I have done a review of myself, including a SWOT analysis of my current situation. I know what I am good at and what I want to improve on. But the next goals are a new kind of scary for me. The challenge of overcoming new forms of fear is what I have set for myself. This new quarter, April through June will be about more interaction with people, again, putting myself in uncomfortable platforms for me to speak and engage with others, and living my authentic self, and the message that Push Factor has for everyone. It is time for me to embody Push Factor even more, even stronger, to believe that I can create a movement of people who want to live their lives with more purpose, passion and commitment.

But it scares the living crap out of me.

This means I have to expose myself more, which means being more vulnerable than I have ever been in front of you. So I am going to turn Push Factor around and use my story, my journey and my experiences as a way to encourage you. I will share my highs and my lows, my embarrassments and my joys, my achievements and my failures, so that you can understand that it all has one common denominator: GROWTH.

So here is to the next quarter of the year. My Push Factor is to break down all limiting beliefs I am not capable of achieving certain goals. I want to prove that I can not only do them, but transcend and master them. They will be a struggle I am sure. I am sure that I will be faced with chilling fear sometimes, but I have decided that this time around, I am going to do them not only with self-compassion, but I am not going to take things so seriously when I fall. I want to cut myself some slack and understand that it is part of growth, and it is part of the process of creating my ultimate self and my ultimate life.

What about you? What is your Push Factor? What is going to compel you to be better than the person you were yesterday?

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