Maybe you don’t know this, but the reason you are unhappy is because of you.
Perhaps you sabotage yourself in ways that you are not even aware of, and this article will give you 9 ways that you are sabotaging your own happiness!
1. Being a Perpetual Skeptic
You do not believe anything good anyone has to say to you, about you or even about your life!
You believe that life is full of bad people who are waiting for the right opportunity to do bad things to you.
Anytime anyone says anything positive, you are ready with a quick rebuttal, or sarcastic remark about why they are in dreamland and have to wake up to the reality of the way things are.
You are also really difficult to please, because you find fault in most things people do or say that you think should be done better.
So basically you are Oscar The Grouch without a green body and a trash can for a home.
2. Being Constantly Argumentative
So the minute someone says something about you that you don’t like, or even expresses an opinion that you are against, you can be quick to throw that person into your personal court of law and turn them into their own defense lawyer as you prosecuted them for having the audacity to question you or your opinions/ideas.
Being argumentative usually means one thing: anything that is said to you that you do not like is seen as a personal attack on you. Thus, you feel the need to attack the usually well-meaning person by either humiliating them, or giving them the silent treatment for the next 3 months…
The problem with being this way is that it puts you in a constant state of anxiety and defensiveness, and the possibility of being happy is as far fetched as spotting a unicorn in a purple, glittery outfit.
3. Taking yourself too seriously
This usually means that it’s hard for someone to be light-hearted with you for too long, especially if it has to do with you, because at a certain point you will get sensitive about it and take things way out of proportion.
This trait is a huge happiness-killer.
If you find that almost everyone you know has to walk on egg-shells around you, then you can’t possibly be a happy person.
4. Not keeping your own promises… even to yourself
In other words, being dodgy! If you find yourself always M.I.A. or running away from people who you promised to do something for but haven’t, and that is the reputation you have, then it is impossible to earn anyone’s trust and respect, and this can definitely be a thief of your ultimate happiness.
You may not feel it now, but not being an honourable person will trouble you later in life.
It will leave you feeling guilty and full of regret for what you knew you were supposed to do but didn’t!
5. Your Point-The-Finger Syndrome
Let’s understand one thing:
If you do not take full responsibility for yourself and your life, you will never be happy!
There will always be someone for you to blame for:-
- The opportunities you didn’t have as a child
- The former boss who laid you off
- The bad boyfriend or girlfriend who hurt you
- The parents who didn’t do enough for you
- The children you had too early who ruined your life
- The fact that you don’t have a bigger salary and deserve more
I could go on and on and on…
If it is everyone else’s fault for who you should have been, what you could have had and where you could have gone in life, then trust me, you will never ever be happy with anything in your life!
6. Having Unhealthy Habits
We all suffer from this problem. We make unhealthy choices of:-
- the food we eat
- the people we choose to spend time with
- time dedicated to certain goals we want to achieve
- the amount of time we spend online reading gossip blogs, playing games or watching series/reality shows
Most of us feel terribly guilty about the way we neglect what we know we should be doing, and this guilt turns to shame, and trust me, shame is happiness’s poison!
7. Being Surrounded by Toxic Friends
Now we all know who happiness vampires are. We are all aware of toxic people!
Anyone who steals your joy, hardly ever encourages you, is always complaining about something and using you as their sound board, or even worse, is constantly putting you down, is a happiness vampire!
A lot of the time, you might find yourself with this group of people because you don’t want to be alone, or they are the ‘cool kids’ but you can never ever be yourself around them, and if you cannot be yourself, you cannot be happy!
8. Your unwillingness to forgive
I remember when I forgave someone whom I had a huge grudge against for over 10 years.
The amount of relief I felt when I let that anger and resentment go was like a ton of weight lifted off my shoulders.
I felt a clarity I hadn’t experienced in a really, really long time.
Then I discovered that forgiving someone has nothing to do with them.
It really is all about YOU.
I understand you feel justified in holding on to the anger.
You feel like if you let it go, then he or she will never be held accountable for what they did to you.
But what you may not realise is that they don’t feel accountable for what they did to you… they are probably living their lives happily, hardly ever thinking about you, while you grind your teeth, repeatedly going over the events of the trauma they put you through.
For the sake of your own happiness and health, it is imperative to let that pain go and forgive that person.
Forgiveness does not mean “I am letting you get away with what you did to me”
Forgiveness means “I am letting go of what you did, because I want to be free, and be happy and whole once again.”
9. Your rigid expectations
One lesson we must all learn about life, and very quickly, is that our plans won’t always pan out the way we think they will.
Don’t see yourself as a failure because:
- You didn’t get married at the age you thought you were supposed to
- You should have been a senior manager by now
- Your children are not performing as well as you think they should in school
- You lost your job unexpectedly
- You have been single for too long
If you let your mind wander into the things you believe should have happened for you, then you will never think of the possibilities of the new life you can create.
You will forever hold yourself hostage, and because of this, you will never be happy!
So how do you begin to change these traits to stop sabotaging yourself?
There are 4 really helpful ways you can start your journey into allowing happiness back into your life:
1. Become aware of this problem:
Your ego will always find the need to justify why you act the way you do.
Your ego does not care about your desire to grow and become a better human being!!
It will convince you that you are fine as you are, and it will use your highest resistance to keep you convinced that everything is fine as it is!
2. Be Open Enough To Talk About What Sabotages You
Talk to a person you trust, someone who understands you and who will be gentle with you as you work through it.
Don’t admit it to people who you know will kick you while your down, because this is a very delicate matter that causes you a lot of pain, and if brought up wrongly, will cause you to retreat to your comfort zone, which ultimately will not help you at all!
The benefit of talking about it is that you shed light on it. It has nowhere to hide! And as you keep talking about it frequently, not in a self-criticizing manner, you will slowly start to change that particular habit.
3. Start Journaling About it
I believe one of the most healing things you can do is keep a journal and write everyday about how you feel.
Maybe you prefer to express yourself by recording your feelings, either through audio or video.
Whatever you are most comfortable with, keep it documented.
- When you have allowed that sabotaging characteristic ruin your day, write about it.
- When on that day, you decided not to let the habit sabotage you, write about that as well!
There is something very cathartic about letting something out of your system by venting, and you don’t even have to do it with someone until you are ready to.
4. Seek professional guidance or counselling
Talking things through really, really will help you.
Sometimes all you need is to listen to yourself speak.
Sometimes all you need is a new perspective, given to you by someone you trust and respect.
It is not easy though.
It requires you to open up old wounds, but it will also enable you to heal them fully, and not have to constantly re-live them like a nightmare that keeps recurring in your mind.
What are the issues that are currently sabotaging your happiness? Go ahead and share your comments below!
I hope this article has assisted you! If you feel that someone should read it, go ahead and share!