So as the title states, I have a confession to make this Monday morning.
I haven’t worked on my website in 6 months.
That, to me is a definition of a procrastinator!
I feel a lot of shame and guilt when I write a statement like that, especially because for 2 years I worked diligently to produce weekly and monthly content for my brand.
I have produced almost 120 posts for this website, Push Factor
I have recorded 32 podcasts on my Push Factor Radio channel on Spreaker
I have done about 42 videos on my Pushfactor TV channel on Youtube
In 2014 I created a course called “Change Your Life Story of Failure And Redesign Your Life!” Over 4,000 students enrolled in this course when I first put it out for free, and it has 18 glowing reviews on it.
But even after doing all this, it still wasn’t enough to keep my consistency levels up!!
My lean, mean, work ethic machine ground to a screeching halt in the beginning of January 2016.
The daily habits I created that made me productive gradually started to fade into oblivion.
The enthusiasm and excitement I had for Push Factor slowly started becoming a non-factor.
The question is… WHY?
Why, even after all the positive results I received from the work I had done, did this affliction still get the best of me?
And even if I was faced with adversity, how come I wasn’t able to overcome procrastination?
I now realize that sometimes, no matter how productive you are, if you have not dealt with certain inner demons, they will find a way to creep into your psyche and cripple your vision.
I created the brand Push Factor because at some point in my life, I felt worthless, and I became suicidal.
I made the mistake of thinking that creating this platform would somehow take the place of the emptiness I felt, and that it would automatically repair my low self-esteem and lack of self worth.
But it did not.
The negativity in my self chatter found a way to twist everything that has not been working out into it being directly my fault.
Every time I did a video, I hated it. I criticized the way I presented myself and the quality of the video so much, it became agony doing one week after week.
Every time I wrote a new post, I criticize the fact that I didn’t get any comments, so I constantly questioned whether they were any good.
I never believed anyone who told me that my content was helping them. In fact, I believed that they were simply feeling sorry for me and were trying to console me by saying something nice.
I was constantly crowding my mind with toxic self-doubt, allowing my mind to tell me that I am a fraud who does not practice anything that I preach!
I began to question my real motives for Push Factor and my own authenticity
Yes, I honestly started believing in this stuff!!
Even after everything I had done, I somehow found a way to discredit it all.
Procrastination has a dark side, especially if there is no deadline to what you want to achieve. The effects of procrastination can be devastating.
To those of us who suffer from chronic procrastination:
You can watch one day after another pass you and pretend that you did not make any promises to yourself about the goals you need to accomplish.
You forget that you swore you would change, and that this time, nothing is going to stop you.
You lull yourself into a sense of comfort.
You go back to your old habits, and for a while, you think that maybe there are no consequences to quitting.
But the truth is, there are consequences. Irreversible and damaging consequences that will lead me to feel regret that I have never felt before.
Now I have made too many sacrifices, and put too much time into creating Push Factor.
Push Factor has created a positive impact in many people’s lives, and this is something that I cannot simply let go of.
So ladies and gentlemen, Push Factor is back in full swing. I will do my very best to:
post at least one article every week
post a video every week
Upload a podcast every Sunday
And I shall raise the Push Factor newsletter from the proverbial dead.
The new face of Push Factor will be being 100% authentic with you about my successes as well as my failures, and if you would like to share your own stories, I would love to post them as well!
I never want to look like some guru who has everything together, because I do not. Neither do I ever want to be called a guru of any kind.
My aim is to become better than who I was yesterday, and to inspire others to do the same in the most truthful way possible.
People, we are all in this together. Always remember that you can figure out, and work through anything.
Have yourself a brilliant week ahead.
PS. Feel free to share this post with anyone you feel needs it!