High self esteem has been catching a lot of flack lately.
I don’t know what these psychologists and researchers are on about, but many link high self esteem to tendencies of narcissism, violence and other negative traits.
But I say there is a very big difference between high self esteem and arrogance or being self absorbed!
So let’s start this article with what high self esteem is not:
- It isn’t arrogance
- It is not being self centered
- It is not about how financially stable you are
- It is not about being extroverted
- It has nothing to do with popularity
To me, high self esteem means total security within oneself regardless of external factors or catalysts.
Actually, Wikipedia has a brilliant definition of what it means to have high self esteem:
In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself, (for example, “I am competent”, “I am worthy”), as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.
As stated by Wikipedia, people with high self esteem have the following characteristics:
- Firmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when finding opposition, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.
- Are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgment, and not feeling guilty when others do not like their choice.
- Do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what could happen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in the present intensely.
- Fully trust in their capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties. They ask others for help when they need it.
- Consider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while accepting differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.
- Understand how they are an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those with whom they have a friendship.
- Resist manipulation, collaborate with others only if it seems appropriate and convenient.
- Admit and accept different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative, revealing those drives to others only when they choose.
- Are able to enjoy a great variety of activities.
- Are sensitive to feelings and needs of others; respect generally accepted social rules, and claim no right or desire to prosper at others’ expense.
- Can work toward finding solutions and voice discontent without belittling themselves or others when challenges arise.[47
High self esteem, dare I say, is also your truest, and highest identity.
I say this because I too suffered from terribly low self esteem, and over the last 10 years, it has improved drastically. I read a lot, and I attribute my change to the kinds of books I read. I even wrote an article about it if you’d like to check it out:
Keep in mind Marrianne Williamson’s quote from her bestselling book “A Return To Love”:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frig…
It actually takes courage to have high self esteem.
It means that you can live in a world where you define yourself without apology.
It means you are highly evolved.
Who tends to be the most attractive person in the room? The person with high self esteem. Not because they are flamboyant and want everyone’s attention, but because they have a conviction about them that they do not need to advertise to the world.
They draw others to them naturally, and not in a superficial way at all.
They are sure of themselves, and you can feel that about them. They do not need your validation, and they do not need to express this fact in any way.
How can you cultivate high self esteem?
Are You Constantly Seeking Approval From Others?
I think there is a really good place to start, and that is asking yourself one question:
“How much value do I allow other people to give me?”
I have added the video below because the speaker talks very clearly about the fact that low self esteem comes from looking for validation from others. Check it out below.
SUPPORT Infinite Waters on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/infinitewaters You Are Worthy! 🙂 Exclusive Videos Here: http://www.ralphsmart.com Personal Consultations: https://ralphsmart.com/1to1-sessions/ Exclusive Videos Here: http://www.ralphsmart.com Feel Alive by Ralph Smart. The New Book Now Available Below: https://ralphsmart.com/the-book/ Instagram: @infinitewaters Snapchat: @goodassprana Music by Ben Dransfield http://bit.ly/bd_youtube My Website: http://ralphsmart.com
2. Keep a daily journal
So if you are the kind of person who is constantly seeking approval or seeking validation from others, really and truly ask yourself “where does this behavior come from?” Then start writing about it.
Write about incidents you have had where you made yourself look smaller than you really were out of fear of rejection or embarrassment.
Write about the most dominant thoughts and feelings that discourage you. Become acquainted with your negative self chatter through the experiences you write about daily.
Most likely you will start to see a pattern showing up when you write things down long enough, and from there, trust me, a lot of revelations will come to you.
3. Talk To Someone
Whether that someone is a professional or someone you trust, it is always worthwhile to talk to someone about the difficulties you are experiencing.
Seeking approval from others can be like second nature, so hearing someone else’s experience as well as their advice can help you become stronger and more assertive.
The more information you receive, the more you internalize it.
It may not be immediate but you will start to implement what you are learning, and you will start to cultivate high self esteem in your daily life.
Always remember, “You can always find the sun within yourself if you will only search.”
― Maxwell Maltz