When I turned 39, one of the subtle realizations I came to is that from next year I can no longer fill out surveys within the 30-39 age demographic...
From June 16th 2020, I shall officially be in the 40-59 bracket...
So basically I am no longer considered a youth...
Lloyd Bank's rap verse "I can make a 40 year old feel like a young lady..." will now officially be referring to the likes of me!
For some reason I thought I was going to remain 30 for much longer than this.
I would proudly declare to everyone around me "I can't wait for my 40's!!!"
...turns out they really can wait.
Which leads me to want to type up a short letter to someone I love very much...
I understand now... I'm sorry if I ever trivialized the genuine fear and anxiety you felt as you were turning 40!
It should never have been something I dismissed as a cosmetic worry about leaving the only part of you that you knew so well behind.
I really do get it now.... because I'm going through it myself.
Anyway... In honor of what I call the best decade of my life thus far, I put together 39 life lessons I've learnt so far on planet Earth!
Life Lessons Anyone Under 39 Should Know
1. Nobody has the answers… not even the so called experts. We are really all just winging it. This is why I'd hesitate to refer to myself as a life coach cos the more I know, the less I know about this mystery called life!
2. You can start your life again. Completely! You don't have to remain who you are if you are unhappy. As the saying goes: move, You're not a tree!
3. It’s okay if you still don’t want marriage or children. I hope you have a deep sense of satisfaction in knowing that you were right all along. Your instincts will never steer you wrong!
4. Becoming who you really are takes an entire lifetime, maybe 1,000 more. So try to live with less regrets over what you should have done, or said.
5. The worst of yourself is necessary for growth. As horribly as I talk about my 20's, they were the manure that germinated the seeds of my current love for myself, my awareness of who I am and the wisdom I have attained.
6. Someone else really will run your life if you don’t! It's really easy to live a life that doesn't really belong to you. You never have to really find any answers, just live out the well laid out, tried and tested blueprint that was probably passed down to you. What I have found to be the real tragedy to leading your life down this path is the realization that everyone else steered your vehicle called life for you: your parents, your teachers, your boss, your spouse, your kids... but never you.
7. The law of attraction really does work. I made a very conscious decision, from the age of 32, to give off better energy, be more responsible for the things I say, and cultivate a deeper sense of compassion not only for others but especially for myself. And the results I am reaping now are immense... the beauty of the people I have met, the number of times fate has intervened on my behalf, I know I have cultivated good Karma and it is responding to me abundantly.
8. Don’t believe the hype! Have faith in humanity. Stop that terrible habit of occupying your day with so much news that you think everyone around you is a monster. The media will always blow up 20% of the world's problems and turn them into 80%. There ARE good people on this planet doing good deeds everyday that go unnoticed.
9. Forgive yourself... for the things you could have said that you didn't say, for the things you could have done that you didn't do, for the things you did say and do that hurt yourself and those you love the most, for your deepest regrets, your deepest shame and most profound guilt... forgive yourself my friend.
10. Forgive those who hurt you... for the circumstances that should have been better, for those who caused those circumstances to get so bad, for what he said that pushed you, for what she did that destroyed your sense of pride, for the unforgivable thing that they did that may require more time for you to heal, forgive those who hurt you, my friend.
11. Don’t wait for the perfect time… it doesn’t exist! It's easier said than done, but you'd much rather be doing it and growing through the struggle than never doing it at all and spending hours in your future wondering what could have been if you really went for it.
12. "No" really is a complete sentence. Period!
13. You can change. It can be as difficult as lifting seemingly impossible weights at the gym, but if you dedicate yourself to it each day, you can most certainly change in ways that you deem so unfathomable that you will receive multiple statements like "My goodness, I cannot believe how much you changed (insert name here)!"
14. Nothing works for nothing! My mother told me this about a week ago as we sat on her dining room table. I don't question too many of her gems of wisdom. They always end up being right!
15. Find out what your core values are and live by them. You might find that the reason why you are living a constantly conflicted life is because you have no idea what your core values are. Now what the heck are those? I go more indepth about the importance of values in this article. Click on the link to check it out:
16. Money is a tool. Do not make it your sole purpose in life. I think this one is pretty obvious
17. Be kinder to yourself. Because beating yourself up has never ever worked.
18. The key to real love is loving yourself first. There is nothing worse than constantly betraying yourself due to a lack of self worth. You shall always be treated as you treat yourself.
19. Self-love is the most difficult journey you will ever take. Loving yourself is about confronting your demons and healing... not many people are willing to do this. It is a journey of courage to be this vulnerable with yourself and others.
20. You’re not here to get it all done. Someone should have explained this to me when I was 12 and hating myself because everything felt like it was falling apart around me.
21. You’re not here to figure it all out! It seems like prerequisite to be an adult to set goals and make sure we crush every single one... but life is a constantly unfolding mystery. Just when you've figured out one part of your life, another part breaks down. I've realised it's okay to not always be in control.
22. The best things in your life really do lie on the other side of your deepest fear.
23. The most powerful people in the world are the most insecure. Basically, be your own hero! Because at least when you disappoint yourself you can give yourself another chance, and a thousand more after that.
24. You’re not really in as much control as you think. Surrender to life, for it is forever unfolding like a grand mystery.
25. Laugh more! No really. It's a very important thing to not take life too seriously. Try to laugh everyday.
26. Always believe in doing the right thing. No matter how well you see people living, no matter how many shortcuts you see people taking, never ever compromise on your integrity.
27. Listen to your body. Stop eating the stuff that deprives you of your energy or makes your joints ache. Your body is always talking to you, especially as we get older.
28. Listen to your soul. You will be surprised at just how much you need to listen to your inner voice in this chapter of your life.
29. Architect your own success. Because no one else's version of success will ever be just right for you. Create your own rules and understanding of what happiness and success means to you, then purpose to live it.
30. Words really do have power. Be careful how you use them, especially on yourself.
31. Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is part of the process. There are many other really valuable lessons that can be learnt in the struggles and adversities we go through. Do your best to appreciate whatever position you might be in right now, especially if it's not the happiest space.
32. Positive thinking is not all that it's cracked up to be. Do not rely on positive thinking alone. I have found that my most powerful transformations have come from sitting inside the discomfort of my darkest emotions and finding empathy and compassion in myself to start the healing process. Positive thinking does not always allow this.
33. Every choice you have made has led up to the life you are living right now. If you are disappointed with the life you're living right now, then make new choices. Consistently!
34. Learn to acknowledge and embrace the darkest and most flawed parts of you.
35. Be responsible with the money you make. My mother told me something I will never ever forget: whether you earn 1,000, 10,000 or 100,000 every month, it's never about how much you make, it's about how much you keep, because the person making 100,000 probably has a less net worth than the one making 1,000 a month.
36. Your phone is the devil. Spend significantly less time on it. I really do need to take my own advice on this one.
37. Opening up and becoming more vulnerable is the most cathartic thing you can do for yourself. You will never heal what you never reveal. Bring your inner demons to the light. Acknowledge their presence and I will never tire of saying this, cultivate more self compassion for yourself to begin the healing process for yourself.
38. There is absolutely no growth in comfort. It has its use but don’t stay there for too long.
39. Even through all the things you go through, life is still beautiful and do all you can to look for the beauty and good in your life. Always.