1. Sarah
    April 24, 2014 @ 1:48 pm

    Lol! This post brought back a flood of memories from yesteryears. I thought I was the only one handicapped by ‘stories’ of days gone by.

    I got paralysed (emotionally and psychologically) when I was 12. I lost my self esteem. I stopped dreaming at that age. I stopped believing that I could beat the odds and be who I was destined to be. I stopped being a fighter and became a victim.

    Again, I got further paralysed when I was 18. I was stopped from pursuing a career which then I was told, was a poor man’s career. So, I sunk into that inadequacy. I started believing that no decision I ever made under the sun mattered. No decision I made under the sun held any water. No decision I preconcieved in my head should see tha light of day. Afterall, I was ‘still a child’ and waht did I know of the world around me. Others had been here long enough to know that some things cannot happen. How wrong that notion was.

    At 28, I got paralysed yet again. I guess I had not learned my lesson from the previous doubtful mouths. I was told, such and such tribe is not good for you…and the story went on until now that I am making a curve in years…

    I should have known better. I should have stood my ground. I should have defied…but then again, I was spineless. I believed in the Good Book which teaches obedience to older people – moreso our parents (I still do follow the Good Book), but I have decided, I have to go back in time and pluck that confidence I lost. Get back the dreams that I abandoned. Take “ME” back to the future. I realise, I should have taken the leap of faith back then…

    Well, I still have dreams, but I know est these days what I need to do. Though I still second-guess myself a lot, but I am gaining ground over the imposed inadequacies slowly by slowly.

    There’s still a lot of life to be lived no? I guess, I am stepping out…taking that leap of faith (though cautiously), but looking forward to my dreams from 12 years, 18 years and 28 years. Man,. that’s a lot of dreams, a lot of years to squeeze into a short while to make it to where I want to be.

    I shall trudge on.

  2. Steph
    April 24, 2014 @ 3:13 pm


    Thanks for being open and vulnerable Sheila. I totally understand what you’re describing. Two related mantras that I’ve held since childhood were both from my parents: never cry in public and hold your thoughts and emotions inside of you. I’ve slowly learned to release, speak up for myself, and ask for what I need, but it’s been quite a process. Thanks so much for sharing again.

    Peace and love,

  3. Sheila Makena
    April 24, 2014 @ 4:04 pm

    Thank you so much for reading and your comment, Stephanie! I and many others can relate to your parents’ advice which really was passed down to us with good intentions. I’ve realized that the majority of life is going to be spent on unlearning a lot of beliefs that no longer serve us. But when we dedicate ourselves to it, that’s when the real changes start to happen. You are so welcome, and peace and love right back to you, my dear!