This story is not fictional. The woman who shared this story with me, did so in order to let anyone else who has experienced what she has gone through that you can not only survive, but create a new life and thrive. As a disclaimer, the identity of the person I spoke to has been protected, as this was her wish.
This is *Christie’s story:
“My father is a pedophile. He would beat our mother up. Then when we got old enough to know he was doing bad things, he moved us all out to a rural area…we had no friends and our mother knew no one to turn to get help. I married young, to escape my family but as a child i knew it was wrong, what he was doing so i learned to climb trees and i would run away all day long…hiding in trees..and reading every book i could get my hands on. I learned what it normal…so when i had children i raised them right.
I was a very depressed person as a young woman….drugs helped me escape…..we grew up poor…so i learned to steal the clothing i wanted…i am ashamed of many of the things I have done in my life, yet I have grown and learned so much. I have no hate in my heart. not even for my father
2 years ago..I called him and told him..ALL MY LIFE I HAVE WAITED …for 1 thing…..that is for you to say you are sorry for what you did to your 3 children…but now I know you will never say this to any of us…but its OK, father I forgive you.
I can never be close in any way to him, but i can be humane to him. i can let go of the burden and allow myself to heal from it. When i was young I hated God. I wished to die, so I could go to where he lived and fight him, make him black and blue with bruises like our father made us because everyone told me…GOD IS LOVE…yet..how could that be? when my mother wasn’t shown love from our father and our father didn’t show us real love? What then is “love”? To be hurt? To bleed? To cry?
I did not believe in GOD…
This God had turned his back on me and my family i thought. So I did no believe in him but, inside I was fighting with myself..how could I hate something/someone if i did not believe in him? Made no sense… so I read more and more…bibles included. And I learned God gave us FREE CHOICE to do right or wrong
Now THAT MADE SENSE TO ME. So, now, in my life, I try very hard to make the right choices…. not only for me, but make the choice that is RIGHT for everyone. We are all connected. we are all family. 1 people living on 1 planet.
What we do to 1 we do to all.
I am still learning. There is so much to learn. I fail so often. I am selfish too often, but i am trying to rise above my own limitsI have anger issues..I worry too much. i stress out too much…all things i must work on!! I sometimes wish I could go back and be a better mother, but I had no role model so i did the best I could….and I know my mother resting in heaven is happy with my efforts.
I love my husband. We have had some hard spots in our marriage but today i love him more than when i married him. I firmly believe God put him i my path to save me. I was not a good person when I was young. Stealing and doing drugs to escape the hell i lived in. I would fight anyone who dared to dispute me.
My husband never cared if i worked and earned money or not..he has always allowed me to quit any job i wanted to quit..he allowed me to stay home and be a full time mother. yes we gave up many things..and i have always had to watch every dollar i spent…but i was a stay at home mother which allowed me to be active in my children’s lives.
Ware not rich, we are poor in money but in love, we are so rich. Here, in the US, it is winter. We heat our house with wood, so part of my house is extremely cold. and yet if i wanted to quit my job tomorrow my husband would say yes, YES QUIT!! He is good to me, so, that is a blessing. All of my children are good people, with hearts of gold. They are healthy and happy and well-adjusted. living good lives. They are an asset to their friends and to the entire community. I have lived long enough to see them become wonderful human beings. Who do not see people for their skin color or their wealth… they see people for though their actions ..they will live to grow the next generation and it is my hope that that generation will do even better.
I struggle daily. I have flashbacks and nightmares and sometimes its as if i am THAT child again but I have WON. I am a survivor…I believe I am meant to do something yet..something I am not sure of WHAT that something is…as if it is just on the horizon…as if if I walk another mile I will see it clearly…and claim it as my own…
I wish to be of some help to people. That is what I wish for…”